As a high school senior, like so many others, I bought the lie that abortion would be a quick fix for the unexpected and untimely situation in which I had found myself. Life’s roads seemed to be fast paced, turbulent, and uncertain. My mother passed away two months prior after a short battle with cancer. My relationship with my dad was flawed with a lot to be desired. I was a Christian who feared being judged, so I found myself at an abortion clinic, thinking that I’d continue with college plans and life as though nothing had ever happened. What a lie!
My life was immediately and forever changed by my abortion decision. Having never been in for a gynecological visit, the abortion was my very first encounter with any OB-GYN experience. Subsequently, each future visit produced haunting memories of the intense pain and emotional trauma of my abortion. I became pregnant the following year, just as stats predict for post abortive women. Because of the damage that had been done to my cervix, at 24 weeks, I went into preterm labor and gave birth to my beautiful baby girl, Natalie. Twelve hours after her birth, Natalie passed away.
I eventually married and became pregnant again. At 20 weeks, Naomi was born too soon… and I endured another preterm labor and delivered Nathaniel Jr. I had memorial services for each of my children that passed away after birth. I lived in a secret prison as I believed that I was being punished for my abortion decision. Even when I was able to deliver healthy children, thanks to GOD and medical intervention, I still lived in fear, wondering when something would happen to these beautiful children that I knew I did not deserve to parent.
One day, I heard a radio advertisement about a local pregnancy center and decided that I’d volunteer there. This was a way to help me to deal with the hurt, regret, and shame with which I constantly lived. But GOD had a greater plan… He used that center to facilitate the healing that HE desperately wanted for me! I recognized that it would be impossible for me to help other women unless l was truly healthy and whole. The center offered a weekly Bible Study, Forgiven and Set Free, that helped me to acknowledge all of the many ways that my abortion decision had affected my life. Most importantly, I learned the true character of GOD, that HE LOVES ME and forgives me! And, I began to grieve many losses in my life, including my baby and all of the “what ifs” and “if only.” I was also able to name, honor, and memorialize my baby.
Since then, I am a continuous healing work in progress! I have worked in several aspects of the post abortion ministry through the local pregnancy center, church, and through sharing my personal testimony. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and three children who have always supported and believed in what GOD allows me to do.
It is my pleasure to serve and to be used to help heal hurting hearts!