It’s incredible how many women share their abortion story after hearing mine. They nod their heads in agreement when I speak about the depression, hollowness, nightmares, anxiety, wanting to die, feeling like a murderer, etc. I mistakenly thought I was alone in my despair only to discover later that there are thousands, maybe millions, who have experienced similar reactions to their abortion(s).
My story is not unique. Getting pregnant, being shocked and having the typical feelings associated with an unplanned pregnancy. Fear of
· the future – Would anyone want to marry a single woman with a child? What about college and a career?
· reputation – I was popular, still in high school, prideful, self-centered and didn’t want to be known as the class whore.
· rejection – My Dad had said that if I got myself pregnant that he would kick me out of the house so fast…”
· judgment – “What would the neighbors think?” was often the mantra growing up. And, I knew how church people viewed pregnancy in our congregation – the looks, the sneers. I wanted to save myself and my family the humiliation.
· loss of security – Where would I live? How could I make ends meet at 17? Where would I go? What would I do?
I believed in God and Jesus Christ. But, it was skewed. I saw God as angry, judgmental and unforgiving in the ultimate sin of taking an innocent life. Instead of running to Him, I ran away.
For years, I suffered. Whatever I tried, I could not get past the darkness and hollowness in my soul.
I was terrified to seek help. I would often say to myself, “If they only knew…” I lived behind a mask in despair.
Finally, “when the pain, outweighed the shame” I sought Professional Christian Counseling and began my healing journey.
Looking back, I think I just cried for the first two sessions! Once the tears subsided, I begin talking and examining the circumstances surrounding my decision, the lies I clung to, and the pressures that were felt during this adolescent crisis.
I went from begging God to take my life (that I didn’t want to live any longer) to praising Him for the renewed joy I had received through Jesus Christ. Grace is a choice and I repeatedly rejected His offering. It took me a long time to believe that God loved ME and would forgive my sin.
After my counseling sessions were complete, I went back to college to obtain a Social Work degree. I did not want other women (or men) to suffer like I had suffered and wanted to help others as I had been graciously helped.
Today, my passion remains the same and I am honored to be part of Concepts of Truth. I am humbled to assist leading others to the truth and to the one, Jesus Christ, who will “wipe away every tear.”