Unfortunately, in 1985, I found myself in a position of an unplanned pregnancy. Abortion was not something I thought I’d ever consider. I wanted to carry and parent my baby, but the father of the baby and his mother were pressuring me to have an abortion. Rather than stand up for my child, I gave in to the pressure and followed through with the abortion. I never dreamed at the age of 18, I could do something that would so devastatingly and traumatically impact the rest of my life. Abortion is not a simple medical procedure. For me it was a life changing event with significant physical, emotional and spiritual consequences.
After the abortion I broke up with my boyfriend and my life spiraled out of control as I went down a path of destruction. It was as if I was trying to punish myself for the decision I had made to have an abortion. Over the course of the next 10 years, I had 2 additional abortions. I also had 2 children and was married and divorced.
In 1999 I finally hit rock bottom and realized that there had to be more to life than the life of destruction I was leading. One night I felt the Lord drawing me to Him and convicting me of the way I had been living. I totally and completely surrendered my life to the Lord and from that night on things began to change. My boyfriend saw the change in me and decided that he wanted to surrender his life to the Lord also. We were married in 2000 in a church that became our new church family.
In 2012, the Lord called me to help women with my abortion story. I was hired by the Blue Ridge Pregnancy Center as an advocate on the Center’s mobile unit. Since I am post abortive, one of the requirements for this position was to go through a Bible study called Forgiven and Set Free. I never realized that I needed healing after my abortion until God called me to the center. When I went through the study it became apparent to me that my abortions were at the root of everything I had struggled with in my past. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol abuse, suicidal thoughts, self-esteem issues, and relationship issues.
We all have secrets and Satan wants us to keep our secrets so he can hold us in bondage. I had no idea the power this secret had over my life and that I was being held captive by it, but God did. There is not a single secret in your life that God cannot transform. Our God can heal and redeem anything; no human action is beyond the reach of His redeeming grace. Our God is a God of mercy who longs to bring redemption into broken lives and I am so thankful that He has forgiven me and redeemed me.
There is healing and hope in this journey. You don’t have to stay attached to that dark place and the decisions that you have made in the past. Let God restore all that has been taken from you. Your past has been stolen and destroyed by an enemy that doesn’t want you to believe God can do great things with your life. There is freedom. God doesn’t want you to carry this burden. Jesus paid the price for ALL of our sins. Colossians 2:14 says, “He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.” He wants you and loves you beyond anything you can imagine and He just wants you to come to Him because he has more grace and more love than you could ever imagine.
Malaena and her husband David have been married since 2000. They have a blended family of 4 living children. Malaena still works at the Blue Ridge Pregnancy Center and her current role is the Director of Client Services and Volunteers. Malaena currently facilitates the Forgiven and Set Free Bible Study through Freedom Ministries at her church. She also serves as a first-responder on the International Helpline at 866-482-LIFE.