"I told God, 'Don't look at me now.' Then one night I cried out to the Lord for forgiveness and He answered me. That night I experienced His love, grace, and forgiveness in an extraordinary and freeing way."
My abortion story takes me from kills, steals and destroys life to a forgiven, set free and redeemed. This is a path that I would not recommend to anyone. The truth is: abortion is an ugly lie. Fortunately, there is a sweet healing and a fullness of hope that comes to those who have been slammed with guilt, shame, and despair. I was lost and without hope, now I am here to say you can find love, healing, and abundant life.
I had always loved babies. I didn't think about abortion, was raised in a home where we were in church every week. We were taught to wait until marriage. At 19, I was a sophomore in college and thought I was in love. I told God, "Don't look at me now." This choice led to an unplanned pregnancy; I was devastated. My boyfriend told me it was my choice. It was to be the toughest decision I ever made. I felt so alone. He and a friend went with me to an abortion clinic. How did I get to a place like this? I told God, "Don't look at me now." I knew I could never tell my mom about the pregnancy; she would be so embarrassed. Her rejection and shame would undo me. Surely, I would have to leave college. I just couldn't have this child. The cost for my future would be too high. Little did I know how this choice, abortion, would kill relationships, steal my joy and devastate me to the core.
The experience was cold and sterile; the place was full of women afraid to feel, cry, and react. No one made eye contact as we sat in the recovery area. I just wanted to leave. I didn't know that I would have to return a few days later due to a high fever: infection from an incomplete abortion. I had to go through it again. The relationship was over within a year.
I suffered extreme grief and sadness as I attempted to forget, cover and bury what I did. Crying jags at anniversary dates reminded me that the choice I made, even some 16 years later, was dreadful. I know if we confess our sins He will forgive, but this one? Couldn't be.
One night, after crying out to Him, I accepted His gift of forgiveness and redemption and I was free, indeed, John 8:36. I was forgiven and healed. Little did I know how He would use me to help others caught up in post-abortion misery.
I once couldn't even say the word abortion, but I no longer have to hide and be ashamed. It is time to expose the secret...the truth is abortion kills, steals and destroys. The Lord has come to set the captives free and to give us abundant life. Luke 4:18, John 10:10.
Lavonne is married with 3 grown children, volunteers at her local pregnancy center and is involved in post-abortion recovery groups