“I remember thinking , maybe the nurse was right, maybe everything will be alright, maybe I could go on with my life like nothing happened….”
Although being raised in a Christian home I still made many poor choices in life. I became sexually active at 16 and became pregnant at 19 years old. I panicked when I found out I was pregnant so out of fear of disappointing my family and ‘having’ to get married I made a selfish decision to have an abortion without telling the father of the baby or my family. I did tell one friend because the clinic receptionist told me I should not drive myself home after the procedure. My friend tried to talk me out of it and told me to take some time to think of other options but I refused to listen to her so just three weeks after finding out I was pregnant she reluctantly drove me to my appointment.
I’ll never forget the quietness of the busy waiting room at the clinic. I’ll never forget the hurriedness of shuffling girls through as quickly as possible. I’ll never forget the lies the nurse told me as she held my hand while I was laying on the table. She kept telling me “just relax, everything will be alright. The doctor will be done soon.”
I felt relief right after the procedure. I remember thinking maybe the nurse was right, maybe everything will be alright, maybe I could go on with my life like nothing happened but within a couple days I began to feel so empty, so dirty, and so guilty! The realization of what I had done set in. I could not stand to think about it, about my baby! The guilt and anguish was more than I could bear so I turned to alcohol to numb the pain and try to help me forget. I was going through the motions of life but not really living. My deep, dark secret had left a scar and isolated me from the ones I love.
For over 25 years my abortion had been the cause of many bad decisions, many arguments and much denial in my life. It interfered with my relationship with my husband, who by the way is the father of the baby I aborted; it separated me from my family, my daughters, and most definitely from God.
In the summer of 2012 I felt God leading me to find peace and forgiveness. I began by re-dedicating my life to God. I asked my husband for his forgiveness. I shared my secret with my daughters, with my family, and a few close friends but I still struggled with forgiving myself. In October of 2013 I found a post-abortion bible study offered through a local pregnancy center. Going through that bible study helped me tremendously but I was still holding on to the guilt and shame. I had met a Concepts of Truth staff member previously and remembered she told me about Concepts of Recovery The Journey, recovery weekends they offer so I contacted her and registered for the next scheduled weekend. It was there that I truly felt God’s love and forgiveness for the first time and it was there that I let go of the guilt and shame I had been carrying for so many years. That weekend changed my life and although I still have a hard day occasionally; I have a peace that only God can provide.
I will always regret my abortion but I am learning to accept the things I cannot change and focus on how great God is. He has brought me out of the darkness and into His light and I can tell you that there is hope, love and forgiveness waiting for everyone who surrenders to Him.
Isaiah 53:5 “He was wounded for our transgressions…and by His stripes we are healed”
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Amy and her husband, Terry, have been married since April of 1989 and have ‘adult’ twin daughters. They are both active in their church and enjoy spending time with family and friends. They also enjoy traveling and seeing new places, any outdoor activity and just being together. Amy is the Care Coordinator at Concepts of Truth and has been volunteering at the Ohio office since August of 2014. She loves the Lord and has a passion for helping others heal after abortion. Her desire is that all will seek God’s forgiveness and know the truth shall set them free.