I killed my baby, I am a murderer. Even though I was never sentenced I still served time.
I was raised in a good home. My Parents went to Church and me with them growing up but I never participated. In my teenage years I started getting involved in drugs and alcohol. At 16 I stopped going to Church with the excuse of a job.
In 1978 at 18 years of age I met my then to be wife Lisa. We starting dating and early in our relationship we were sexually active but never thinking getting pregnant would ever happen to us. A few months later we found out she was pregnant. She was 16 a junior in high school. We talked about our options; getting married and keeping the baby or abortion. However fear, panic and shock filled our minds. How could we face our parents? Fear of rejection, embarrassing our families and shame on ourselves, we decided our only choice was abortion.
Plan Parenthood appeared to be our only resource. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing; to have this baby aborted. You see no one educated us on what the outcome of an abortion would or could cost us; in March of 1979 we decided to have the abortion.
As I waited in the abortion clinic, I was worried for Lisa having heard of botched abortions. I sat nervously outside with a few other guys not making eye contact.
Trying to act non chalet about why we were there. After the abortion was done I saw her; I knew right away a change in her countenance; but starting the denial process myself I thought this would pass like any other type of surgery. After our marriage Lisa would want to talk about the abortion and I would clam up thinking why does she want to talk about this it is over with. I kept my head in the sand of denial.
Many years later I realized I needed help and attended a post abortive bible study Forgiven and Set Free with some other Men. I finally realized the impact the abortion had on me and my marriage of 29 years. I had buried it so deep inside me but was not man enough to own the responsibility of my action. I should have stood up and protected Lisa and our baby. I wanted freedom from the guilt and shame I carried and to finally heal our marriage of this barrier that the abortion had created in it.
A few years later Lisa and I participated in a retreat for post abortive couples. While there we talked, shared, cried and prayed together in a way we have never experienced in our relationship. I now understand what Jeremiah 29:11 speaks of “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.
Mark & Lisa have two children and five grandchildren. Mark works full time and is an ordained pastor. Mark is also a phone consultant for the International Helpline for Abortion Recovery and Prevention. He would like to talk with men who had a hard time coming to grips with their participation in an abortion. The home office, Concepts of Truth, Inc. is in Wynne, AR. The International Helpline number is 1-866- 482-5433.