“You might think; “how can she live with it, her decision to have an abortion?” You see, I can live with it because Christ died for it.”
I grew up in a normal working class family; not perfect but my parents saw the value of giving me a Christian foundation. I met Mark and quickly fell in love. In 1979 at 17 years old, I found out I was pregnant. Fear, panic and shock filled my mind. How could this be happening to me? What was I going to do? Because of fear of rejection and embarrassing my family, we decided our only choice was abortion. You see I was the one who thought this decision would solve my “problem” and I could pick up my life right where I left off; only to walk out of that clinic knowing I would never be the same again. A woman at the clinic told me “You may feel a little weepy for the next few days; but that’s perfectly normal. It’s because of the change in the hormone levels in your body.” But what no one told me was 30 years later I would still weep. It was due to the change that happened in my heart when I chose to end the life of my child through abortion. It left me with emptiness, a cold, dark hole that threatened to consume me, the separation from my child, my family, friends and my God. One of my family members is absent from everyday life, holidays, and family photographs.
My healing began in 1993 when I attended a fundraising banquet for the Pregnancy Resource Center in our town. I heard a woman by the name of Carol Everett speak of her own abortion. I came face-to-face with my demon; the shame, guilt and despair that were ever present.
I wondered what good my future could possibly hold. Soon after I started Christian counseling and participated in a bible study with other women who had survived abortion. I appeared to my family and friends to be a person who had it together, who is selfconfident and organized but I had a lot of people fooled. No one knew how fatigued emotionally, spiritually and mentally I was. You see I wore the mask well.
God used the counseling and bible study to help me begin to understand He had forgiven me but he wanted more for me. However, the enemy continued to whisper in my ear “you can never get close to God because; after all, what kind of mother would take the life of her own child”? My Heavenly Father never gave up on me and showed me in His Word that nothing can separate me from His love. God faithfully continues the healing process in me as I share this part of my life disarming the enemy by revealing the “secret”. You might think; “how can she live with it, her decision to have an abortion?” You see, I can live with it because Christ died for it. Today I walk in the forgiveness and freedom that only comes from the Father, the Lifter of my head (Ps 3:3 ) and I willingly share my journey of healing. I had become so comfortable with the shame and guilt that I thought if I gave it up I would have nothing left to remember my baby.
But God’s Word says He will bring beauty from the ashes. Isaiah 43:19 says, “Behold, I am doing a new thing. Don’t you see it”? God has replaced the shame, guilt and regret with a testimony of His grace and restoration. I share that my child and I will be reunited in heaven and there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. As I read these and other verses, I began to believe them for myself and claimed them in my own life. Revelation 12:11 says: “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.” You see I share my testimony for you and me. I can’t keep quiet about what God is doing in my life and I want others to know the Healer, Restorer, whose loving grace and tender mercy allows us all to walk redeemed ....no matter our sin.
Lisa & her husband Mark have have been married since 1980, have two living children and five grandchildren. She and Mark work with a team providing Recovery Weekends.