Hi my name is Cindy, and it is my greatest desire to offer hope and freedom to those bound by the pain and suffering of misguided decisions. I have been freed from the bondage of self-hatred, fear, anger, manipulation, depression, rejection, and the list goes on and on.
As a child I grew up in a loving and healthy environment. I was brought up Catholic, so I knew right from wrong. As an adolescent the loving and healthy environment took an ugly turn when my parents divorced which rained in great turmoil and confusion. My mother then got involved in an abusive relationship and was buried shortly thereafter when I was 13. My grandparents became my caretakers after this and that is when things went from bad to worse. I turned to drugs to numb the pain. Eventually, I escaped from that horrendous environment, but not unscathed. I was naïve in many ways, I did not know how to have healthy relationships and found myself pregnant. I was ashamed and alone and did not know where to turn. I thought how could I bring this shame upon my family? A friend told me about abortion, I had not even heard of such a thing. But, it was my escape, my refuge from the storm, and no one would ever know. So off we went, she dropped me off there one Saturday. I looked down and saw a cold laminate tile floor in the cold metal fold up chair along with the others in the same predicament I was in. It was a long wait and a painful procedure. The pain and the sound, I will never forget that sound. It was over, I was so thankful it was over. Then I had to make that awful, dreaded decision a second time. Apparently, I was a slow learner. The second time was worse than the first, I should have known better. It was over in an instant, but the pain; the pain remained. The drugs became more prevalent and alcohol was added to numb the pain. Of course, I didn’t realize where it was coming from since I was freed from anyone knowing that I had ever been pregnant in the first place. I was in deep denial of what I had done. I then met my wonderful husband and we had a beautiful daughter, it was while I was pregnant the harsh reality of what I had done came slapping me in the face. What if God chooses to punish me for what I did? Will my baby be ok? Oh sure you are having a baby now, it’s not just a blob, it’s a baby. More and more it flooded my mind, then when that glorious day arrived and she entered my world, I was unable to bond with her, not wanting to hold my precious gift from God. She was perfect in every way, He did not punish me. He had no need to punish me I was punishing myself in ways that I didn’t even know. Every relationship I had suffered from the rage I felt toward myself. Even through all of that God was pursuing me, longing for me to surrender to His is love and care. Our little family finally all fell into His loving arms of mercy and grace after years of relentless pursuit. Our lives began to have real meaning, relationships were beginning to heal and life was manageable. But there was still that dirty secret that was tucked away, that no one except my friend and God and eventually my husband knew about. It stalked me like an extortionist waiting to release it to the world, to my newfound friends, my church! Oh my church, what if they found out who I really was? They would never allow me to be involved in anything anymore I must do all that I can to keep them from knowing. It was then that I came clean with my small group I could no longer hide who I was. I knew that I wanted to help others at that point to never have to feel like I was feeling. Of course they were loving and compassionate and supportive. Not long after that my daughter and her husband were expecting a child. I escorted them to a local Pregnancy Help Center and discovered a Bible Study for Abortion Recovery. It came at the nick of time for me to be able to enjoy my first grand-girl. I had never understood why I had no desire to hold babies, but God used this program to heal my broken heart. I am able to hold babies now and enjoy holding them.
I am certain had abortion not been legal, I would never have considered it. But it was legal and easily attainable, so that is the road that I traveled. It is the wide road and many are deceived by it. Abortion is by far the most life altering decision I have ever made and I have always regretted it. If you have found yourself struggling with the misguided decision of abortion, I encourage you to give the power of an Abortion Recovery Program an opportunity to help you heal from the pain, shame and suffering of your loss. You can learn more by calling International Helpline for Abortion Recovery at 1- 866-482-LIFE.