“I thought abortion would ‘take care of my problem’… but nothing could be further from the truth.”
Hello, my name is Christine and I am here to listen and to be a light, offering healing and hope to all impacted by abortion. If you or someone you know has been impacted by abortion, I am here for you.
I have received healing and hope after I, myself, had an abortion. My story starts with my parent’s divorce, then sexual abuse by a family member and later, by several adult men. My mother remarried a man who was a drug addict. I did not understand boundaries or healthy relationships and these things led to my promiscuity as a young teenager.
I was 15 years old when I got pregnant by my boyfriend. For a while, I thought we would get married and be a family. I did not know it at the time but he was an alcoholic. When his mother found out, she pressured me to get an abortion saying I was too young to be a mom. He continued to drink and cheated on me. How could the person who was supposed to love me, hurt me so badly? My heart was reeling so I made an appointment with an abortion clinic thinking it would “take care of my problem”. Once there, I should have ran out but instead I walked into the exam room where they inserted a cervical dilator and said to come back the next day. I was so distraught, I went home and told my mom that I was getting an abortion. My mother told me not to do it. I started crying and called my Obstetrician to ask about the cervical dilator? She told me that the odds were now extremely high that I would miscarry because of the dilator. Through my tears, I told my mom that I felt I had no choice but to do it. She told me to not come back home if I did, so I left. My boyfriend got drunk again so a friend took me back. It all seemed like a bad dream, but unfortunately, it was all too real. At the clinic, it so was cold and austere—I started crying again. The nurse told me to put a gown on and to lay on the exam table. The two things I will never forget about the abortion:
1. The extremely sharp pains I felt as my baby was dismembered and his life taken from me —I cried and told them to stop but they wouldn’t.
2. The horrible sucking noise of the vacuum machine.
Eventually, I stumbled out to the waiting room. They grabbed me and told me sternly to go to the back of the clinic to get picked up. I left with an antibiotic in my hand and my heart broken. I was completely drained —emotionally and physically and later on I realized, spiritually, too. Because I was still in the dark, a friend later took me to Planned Parenthood for birth control pills. They gave me a year’s worth of pills (without disclosing the risks of the pill or how being abstinent could have helped me). I drank alcohol and did drugs to numb myself out. I tried to tell myself that it was okay, but I knew deep down, it was not okay—I was not okay. Physically, I worried if I would ever be able to have children? Emotionally, I felt such guilt and regret. Spiritually, I felt so ashamed that I thought God would never forgive me.
At 19, I became pregnant again and although the father was an abusive alcoholic, I decided to raise the baby. I was determined to never have another abortion—ever again. And while being a young single mother was not easy, I knew I had made the right decision this time—one I would never regret!
My journey to healing began about 20 years ago. I had met a young man and we fell in love. My future husband and I started going to church, he accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior, got baptized and we got married in the church. We have been blessed with two beautiful children! As our faith journey has progressed, I have received healing and hope through Bible study, prayer and attending an abortion recovery retreat. I was able to honor the memory of my son and receive true forgiveness and healing from the Lord! My favorite verse is Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” If abortion is in your past, the same love and forgiveness found in Jesus Christ is available to you!
Christine and her husband, Steve, have been married for 19 years. They have four children (one in heaven) and a son-in-law in their family. Christine enjoys traveling and spending time with her family. She also enjoys Bible study, prayer, arts and crafts.
She and her husband have led marriage classes and Bible studies; she has spoken to women’s and teen groups and led retreats. She is a phone consultant for the International Helpline for Abortion Recovery at Concepts of Truth International.